Anime Deathmatch
by Keika no Kaiyou
Summary: All around general death, gore and destruction through all animes. Not an orginal idea, but original match-ups (I hope). ^-^


Anime Deathmatch OR (MTITSPIMH) Megan's Twisted Idea That She Put In My Head  
By Keika no Kaiyou  
  
Disclaimer:  
I don't anybody. I do own myself though and Megan owns herself, but that's it.  
  
Author's Ramblings:  
Hey! Here's a fic with lots of blood, gore, and all around death. Here's the lay down, my friend Megan and I were on a sugar high and this is what happened. Nobody should care about this or be offended. I just felt extra crazy that day. The hosts are Megan (M) and me (K). The fighters today are:  
  
Duo (D) vs. Jedite (Je)  
Ryoko (R) vs. Ayeka (Ay)  
Zechs (Z) vs. Allen (A) vs. Nakago (N)  
Relena (Rl) vs. Hitomi (H)  
Heero (He) vs. Van (V)  
Lita (L) vs. Chichi (C)  
Miaka (Mi) vs. Mina (Ma)  
Jim (Ji) vs. Gohan (G)  
Marron (Mr) vs. Rei (Re)  
Wufei (W) vs. Suzuko (S)  
Washu (Wu) vs. Dr. J (J)  
  
(Guest starring Kunzite (Ku)  
  
ENJOY!!!!  
  
K: Welcome one and all to this weeks Anime Deathmatch! I'm Keika no Kaiyou (Firefly Light of Ocean)  
M:And I'm Megan (No Translation Needed)! Alright to start off our first battle we will have that wonderful, funny, and all around great guy, DUO!!!!!  
(Everyone cheers except Keika who begins booing so loud it drowns out Megan)  
K: (Gets major heart eyes) Against him is that hunky, handsome, gorgeous, villain type guy, JEDITE!  
(Everybody boos except for Keika who turns on the applause machine)  
K: GO JEDI-CHAN!!!!  
M: This hot guy and this loser (everyone knows who the loser is) will be fighting to claim the title of who is all around better!  
(Jedite is all alone in the ring)  
Je: (Looks around confused then laughs evilly) BRUHAHAHAHAHAHA! That chicken boy Dup, or whatever his name is, heard who he was fighting and ran for the hills! This is sooooo sweet! I win and I haven't even lifted a finger! All hail the Negaverse!!!  
K: (Holds Megan back as she tries to break forwards) Calm down! I'm sure Duo will be here! (Under breath) Although he's probably still in the closet tied up.....  
(Duo in his Gundam comes crashing though the ceiling and lands in the ring narrowly missing Jedite)  
D: I HAVE ARRIVED!  
M: GO DUO!!!!  
K: HOLD IT! (Teleports down to ring a rule book in hand) Duo! That Gundam is a strict violation of rule #578319052! You can't fight with more then you can carry in! Can you carry that Gundam!!!???  
D: Can't we have a Gundam battle then!?  
M: YEAH!  
K: NO! We're already having one meca battle today, besides Jedite doesn't HAVE a Gundam!  
D: Then get him a Gundam!!!  
Je: I don't want a Gundam. They are for wusses who can't battle on their own. (Under breath) Besides, I probably wouldn't be able to work the stupid thing.  
K: (Snaps fingers and Gundam vanishes)(teleports back to her seat) Now on with the battle!!!  
Je: (Smiles as 50 youma appear around him) Come on braid boy, make my day.  
D: TIME OUT! (Points at Jedite) He did NOT carry those in!  
M: FOUL!!!  
Je: (Smirks) I did too carry them all in. I had them in my dimensional pocket.  
(Megan and Keika hunch over rule book)  
K: No rule against that.  
M: *BEEP*!!! After this battle we are SO adding a new rule!!  
K: Continue on Jeddy-kins!  
Je: (Winces) I wish you wouldn't call me that! Youma, attack!  
D: I need to get one of those dimensional pocket thingies. (Pulls out bazooka) Bring it on blondie!!!  
K: And the youma's attack Duo! I'm going to hate to see this braided boy be ripped from limb to limp.... HEY! Can he do that!?  
M: (Watches as Duo kills all the youma with his bazooka) Yep! No rule about that at all!  
K: I am so changing that rule after the battle.  
D: (Points bazooka at a surprised Jedite) Time to meet your maker blond boy!  
Je: (Angry) First off, I am NOT a boy. I am a man. And Keika, I AM NOT YOUR JEDDY-KINS!!! Secondly, you must be joking. That puny thing is no match for my magic. (Extends hand to blow Duo up)(Only a few sparks come out) What the hell!?  
M: (Looks innocent) I wonder how that happened? (Hides sugar cube behind her back)  
Je: SOMEBODY HAS SUGAR WITH THEM!! I demand that, that person be killed at immediately and at once! Sugar is my only one weakness!  
(All the Sailor Scouts quickly write this down)  
D: Well too bad for you! (Pulls trigger)(nothing happens) CRAP! I'm out of ammo!! Why now of all times do I have to run out!?  
Je: (Looks at Duo scornfully) Now how are we supposed to figure out who wins?  
D: (Shrugs) I can't fight with my Gundam, my bazooka is out of ammo, I forgot to bring any other weapons....  
Je: You killed all my youma, I can't lose my powers, Tuxedo Mask's rose is already copyrighted.....  
D: I guess that leaves only one option.  
Je: What?  
(Duo dives at Jedite and begins to beat the shit out of him)  
Je:(pushes Duo off him) WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? ARE YOU SOME SORT OF GAY GUY!!??  
D: (Blushes) Well.....  
Je: (Shudders) Don't even THINK about touching me again! No matter how many sicko writers may team me up with Nephrite, or Endymion, or both of them, I have one thing to say. I'M STRAIGHT!!!  
D: But then how can we finish this battle?  
Je: (Thinks)(Dives at Duo) Prepare to die braid boy!! (hits him)  
D: You.....!  
(The two roll on the ground trying to land punches on each other)  
K: HAHAHAHA! Go Jeddy!  
M: Try to win if you can you loser!  
K: (Turns to Megan) I'm so glad that you agree that Duo is a loser. I always knew you were on my side.  
M: Wait just one sec! Duo is NOT a loser! Jedite is! After all who was it who got run over by a 747?  
K: And WHO is it that can't fight for *Beep* unless they have a Gundam or a gun on their side!?  
M: And WHO is it that has the loser girlfriend!!!???  
K: Well that would be Duo of course cause he has YOU!  
M: WHY YOU *BEEEEEPPPP!!*!!!  
(Megan tackles Keika to the ground and the two begin to try and beat each other up)  
(Duo and Jedite watch on in disgust)  
D: Why do I have a feeling that we were pitted against each other for them to settle their own fight?  
K: Maybe because it's true? (Winces as Keika smacks Megan with microwave oven) This rather painfully reminds me of what happened last week.  
D: (Watches in amazement as Megan somehow get a chainsaw and begins chasing Keika around with it) Really? What happened?  
Je: Long story.  
(Keika pulls out a kitchen table from her dimensional pocket and throws it at Megan who chops it up with her chainsaw)  
D: Well, why don't you tell me about it over a cup of coffee. My treat.  
Je: (Eyes him suspiciously) You aren't trying to get me drunk or anything are you?  
D: (Looks confused) Why? Besides, I'm below the legal drinking age.  
Je: So is Nephrite, but that hasn't stopped him before. (Sighs) Why not. As for last week it all started with a phone call from my mother....  
(They leave)  
  
A Half Hour Later......  
  
M: (Panting as she chases Keika) Come.....back.....here....you......  
K: (Crawling along floor) No......Keep......away.......  
(They both collapse and look around)  
M: Where's Duo?  
K: Where's my Jeddy-kins?  
(They look at each other)  
M&J:Who won?  
R: I'd say Jedite did. He sold his story about last week as a horror story and is raking in the dough. Duo is still trying to save the world though.  
Ay: I disagree. Mr. Duo won because he managed to con Mr. Jedite into buying him coffee after all and is pure of heart and....  
R: Oh shut up! (To Megan and Keika) Can we battle now?  
K: (Shrugs) Uh, sure.  
M: (Sits back in her seat) All right folks! Our next battlers are Ryoko and Ayeka who are battling to prove who loves Tenchi more!  
K: Ahh yes. These two love lorn battle fiends with be under rules #578319052 (only can fight with what you bring in) and 78429652103 (magic and other supernatural powers to be decided upon by judges).  
Ay: What does that mean!?  
M: That means that you can't use you're powers unless we feel like it.  
K: (Whispers to Megan) You're turn to roll the dice....  
M: (Rolls the dice) A seven, what does that mean?  
K: (Looks it up in rule book) Both get to use their powers until one of them gets us mad immediately forfeiting their powers.  
M: (Smiles evilly) This could be good....  
Ay: Why are you smiling like that!? That can't be good! As a princess I order you to stop smiling like that!  
K: You know I'm feeling rather annoyed right down. (Glances at big red button that says 'Do Not Push')  
M: (Frowns) We're only supposed to push the button if we get mad. (Glares at Ayeka) But what the hell. Rules were made to be broken. (Pushes button)  
K: And on with the battle!  
M: Ryoko takes an early lead by forming her energy sword. Look at Ayeka trying to form her 'all powerful' shield but failing horribly. Ryoko is moving in for the kill and...... ooh! That one hurt her!  
K: (Gags) I never thought the inside of the neck looked like that....  
M: And Ayeka's head rolls out of the ring into the lap of a fainted Tenchi! My what a battle.  
K: Considering it lasted less then half a page.  
M: Well we had to move on quickly for the next battle!  
K: Really? Who's fighting?  
M: Zechs, Allen, and Nakago!  
K: Oooh! Three, count 'em, three hotties all together at once! (Thinks a sec) Well, Allan's a jerk, and so is Nakago, and for that matter Zechs is too, but their all pretty cute!!!  
M: Zechs as we all know is the incredibly hot most of the time villain from Gundam Wing! Zechs is armed with a machine gun, two bazooka's, a sword, and several throwing daggers.  
K: (Gets major heart eyes) And he took his mask off..... (drools)  
M: Allen is the good guy jerk who sleeps around with woman from Escaflowne. He is armed with his trusty sword (and we don't just mean the one attached to him) along with (peers at cue card in shock) and his GOOD LOOKS!?  
K: Personality of a snail and egotistical about himself, but still drool worthy.....  
M: Nakago is from Fushigi Yugi where he is the bad guy 24/7. He is armed with his ki life force blasts, a sword, and his armor.  
K: (Begins crying) I remember when he died! It was soooooo sad!  
M: These three are battling it out for the title of who's hair is the best!  
K: Really!? Oh wow! (Faints)  
M: Uh, since Keika is unable to tell us what rules these three are fighting under, we'll assume that there is no rules and these three can do whatever they want! Now let's begin!  
Z: Ordinarily I would challenge you all to duels separately, but Noin and I just got in a fight so I'm going to have to kill one of you.....  
A: (Looks as his nails vainly) Yeah whatever, tell me when I win the beauty contest.  
N: What makes you so sure you'll win?  
A: My fantastic good looks of course. After all I *am* the most drop dead gorgeous guy in all anime.  
(Zechs and Nakago sweatdrop)  
Z: I think somebody needs to get a life.  
N: I think somebody needs to go look in a mirror. I'm far more handsome then he ever will be.  
(Keika wakes up)  
K: Oh they're all so HOT!  
Z: (Glances at Keika) She'll decide for us.  
N: (Teleports up, grabs Keika, and goes back to ring) Alright. Which one of us is the most handsome.  
A: (Pushes the others away) Now Keika, don't feel too bad about telling these fools who the most gorgeous guy is. I'm sure they'll understand....  
K: (Gets major heart eyes) Three hot guys! How am I supposed to choose!?  
Je: (Appears and looks REALLY annoyed) Easy. You don't. (Grabs Keika) I'm going to go tie you up somewhere in the Negaverse until this battle is over. (Glares at others) After all she is *my* girlfriend. (Leaves taking Keika with him)  
(All sweatdrop)  
A: She was going to choose me.  
Z: Yeah, when Treize beats the Gundams.  
N: You should get a life blondie. You're no where near as handsome as me.  
A: Hah! What a joke! I made Hitomi fall in love with me, AND I've slept with too many girls to count....  
Z: That's nothing! (Snaps fingers and every girl in audience faints) Top that.  
N: (Snaps fingers and every girl in audience begins planning world domination and making Nakago king of the world) I believe I win.  
A: I think not. (Smiles charmingly and everybody in audience runs for cover)(frowns) Hmmm. I wonder what they're problems are....  
Z: I've had it up to here with your ego! (Whips out bazooka) Now here's a little trick I learned from Oz!  
N: (Stops Zechs) No, allow me. (Throws life force blast at Allen)  
A: AAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! (runs around like chicken with it's head cut off) MY HAIR IS ON FIRE! MY HAIR IS ON FIRE! MY HAIR IS ON FIRE! MY HAIR IS ON FIRE! MY HAIR IS ON FIRE! MY HAIR IS ON FIRE! MY HAIR IS ON FIRE!  
M: (Laughing hysterically) And in a sneak attack by Nakago, Allen's hair has burned away to leave him bald! (Tears coursing down face) And Zechs moves in with one of his daggers and..... Yes! We have scarrage!  
A: (Breaks down sobbing) My face! My beautiful face!  
(Zechs and Nakago watch on in disgust then leave calmly)  
M: Hey, where are those two going? (Reads note that someone gives her) Oh. Well folks it seems Nakago and Zechs have decided to work out there hotness difficulties and join together to form a club for hot anime guys which works for taking over the world..... and liberating the world..... (sweatdrops) I'm sure how you can do both, but their going to work at it!  
(Keika teleports into booth looking depressed)  
K: (Begins crying) Jedite tied me up in the closet and wouldn't let me go until the battle was over! Now I missed seeing Zechs and Nakago fight!  
M: Well, they never did fight, but we got to see Allen get a scar and go bald!  
K: (cheers up) Who cares about Allen? I just wanted to see Zechs and Nakago. (Gets major heart eyes) They're both so hot!  
M: Well anyways our next fighters are Relena and Hitomi.  
K: (Looks up confused) Who are they? I'm never heard of them. (gets major heart eyes) They must both be total hotties then!  
M: (Sweatdrops) Keika, they're girls.  
K: (Sweatdrops) Never mind then. (Begins pouting) I want hot guys to fight over my attention!  
Je: (Appears)(glares at Meg who is smiling evilly keyboard in hand) Don't even think about it. Keika is mine. No guys are going to steal her away from me.....  
K: (Hits him with frying pan) Oh Jedite, get a life!  
M: Anyways.  
K: Anyway.  
M: (Gives Keika weird look) What?  
K: The correct way of saying it is 'Anyway'. I should know, I got a C *+* in English!  
M: Whatever. Anyways.  
K: Anyway.  
M: Anyways.  
K: Anyway.  
M: (Glares at Keika) Anyways.  
K: (Reads a fanfic) Anyway.  
M: AnyWAYS.  
K: AnyWAY.  
M: (Pulls out chainsaw) ANYWAYS!!!!  
K: (Pulls out missile launcher) ANYWAY!!!!!  
(They fight)  
(Emerald runs on camera)  
E: HAHAHAHAHAHA! Now *I* will rule this show and hand it over to my beloved Diamond! Together we will rule the airwaves! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  
(Megan and Keika blow up Emerald)  
K: That felt good.  
M: Maybe we should start up a health spa and let people blow up Emerald clones.  
K: (Thinks a moment) Good idea!  
M: (Looks at scrpit) Did you know if we actually followed this thing we would already be halfway through the story by now?  
K: Really? Did you know that I really don't give a damn? (Leans back in seat and hums some Mozart) Hey Meg, let's get everyone mad and take up an entire page by doing anything but our jobs.  
M: Sounds good to me. (Thinks) How about we add commercials. That always gets people mad.  
K: Sure!  
M: (Turns to camera) And now time for our commercial break.  
  
And now for the latest in Tv comedy.... Turn Jedite On!  
(Three contestants are standing around a pissed off looking Jedite and studying him)  
C1: Hmmmm. I still don't see a light switch.....  
C2: Maybe he's hooked up to a clapper?  
C3: Do you think tweaking his nose would help?  
Je: (Mutters under breath) The things I do to help Keika get a bad pun.....  
Coming soon this July!  
  
In theaters now.... From the producer of Pokemon and the director of End of Days, Arnold Swartsanager stars in The End of Pikachu!  
P: Mr. Swartsanager, you won't shoot me because I'm so cute. Right?  
Ar: I'll be back.  
(Gunfire)  
P: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!  
The End of Pikachu! Take your kid if you know what's good for you! It's Pokemon.....  
  
K: And now back to our show. For all you new comers, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.... (throws script over shoulder) Whatever. Who cares? Anyway, our next battlers are Relena and Hitomi for the title of who's the best stalker. Meg...  
M: Thanks Keika. Now Keika, these two are rather tied on this field, both Hitomi and Relena have gotten stalking down to an art. It's anyone's game to who'll win.  
K: Thanks Meg. Our battlers have sent us in some footage to help you show the fans out there why they should be the best stalker. Kunzite run the tape!  
(Movie screen comes down to show Kunzite and Zoicite doing some very *undescribable* things (well we could describe them if we wanted a NC-17 rating.....))  
(Megan and Keika scream)  
K: MY EYES!  
M: MY MIND!  
Ku: Oops! Wrong tape! (Changes tape)  
(Tape shows Heero changing in his room)  
(Meg gets popcorn)  
M: Wait until I tell the others about this!  
K: (Looks about ready to gag) I really hate this job. Why can't I see the guys I want to see nude!  
(Keika vanishes)  
M: (Frowns) Jedite really is way too over protective.....  
Ku: Alright, now for Hitomi's tape!  
(Tape shows Allen changing)  
M: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!  
(Megan faints)  
(Tape ends)  
  
  
Will Megan wake up in time to host Hitomi and Relena's battle? Where has Keika gone off to this time? Will Kunzite reveal what that other tape was? Will Keika and Megan really open a health spa? WILL I EVER SHUT UP!? Find all this and more out in the next 'exciting' episode of ANIME DEATHMATCH!! 


End file.
